Beware is a thought that is primal. It freezes your heart in place while your mind darts the perimeter of your life looking for danger. This is an intellectual warning to stop, something’s not right. Pay attention.
We stay at war with ourselves and others constantly. We sniff out motives, listen for signs, feel for warmth. And sometimes even if our spaces are cold and silent, we still would be happy not being alone, or thankful we know where the enemy is.
At times we are the enemy and our hopes and dreams melt away to our desires and delusions. This step away from who we are leaves who we really are in danger. An observer. And if we walk far enough away from ourselves the reference point is lost, so far in the distance we no longer care what we do or say.
There are people who will embrace your disfunction and arm themselves with your pain. They attack you with platitudes and pleasures that create a smoke screen to reality.
The truth scares them like a flare in the darkness illuminates your position. It shines light on the true nature of their position and the intent behind their desires. So now there are four people in this war, and as you walk the perimeter of your life looking for yourself you realize it’s exponentially insane. But you can’t surrender, you have to escape the madness and evade the enemies.
Making it home, back to the you who is safe and whole is difficult. The distance alone is daunting. The parts of you that are missing when you return become a reminder that the danger was real, but you were just surviving and your happy to just be home.
There will always be the folks who see your pain and judge you. They’ll see your losses and mock you. They may even retell your story as some glorious failure to make theirselves feel good. Hold onto the fact your walking home to a healthy you and your dreams are real. Embrace your hopes as a filter to your reality. But most of all never quit, fight till the end and maybe you’ll dodge the bullet after all.