Losing your memory seems to be an impossible, or extremely rare, occurrence. The memories are never really gone, they are unconscious, just beyond reach. The real problem seems to be the latent effect suppressed or lost memories have on shaping who we become. Unraveling these mysteries are both tragic and euphoric.
Hopes and dreams are similar to memories. Like memories in the future tense. They also can be lost and shape the decisions we make about who we are and who we want to be. They can also be euphoric or tragic in the realization phase.
We all have probably heard of the classic head injury, amnesia, and memory return story line. Someone had a terrible accident and awakens to strange folks they don’t know, who are really their family. Then the battle between who they are and who they want to be based on the lack of memory or hope begins. There are very tragic and uplifting stories around these scenarios.
When someone close to you dies your future memories based on your hopes die also. Like amnesia on the other side. Your ideas beyond today are shaped by a loved one and your expectations. Death puts a curtain over those hopes and blocks out what would have or could have been. Then you never really know, it’s black beyond the furthest hope.
Like the accident victim, the person left behind has to fill in the black spaces with light from a new source. We still feel, think, and dream; however it’s based in a new schema developing from now. From now on is the starting point for both victims. Whether your loss is a loved one or brain function, healing always starts now.
Here the convergence is solidified in the faint echoes felt, not heard, but directing our thoughts regardless. This game of emotional catch up is daunting, an adult is not supposed to be creating schema for basic emotional stimuli, these are childhood milestones.
Compare the reactions of these two different individuals and the parallels are enlightening. Some very generalized reactions are confusion and withdrawal, or extroverted behaviors void of previous known values. Lifestyle changes that make no sense to loved ones; a very threatening prospect for family members.
Its here the trouble begins. What worked before is rejected due to a past that doesn’t exist as an anchor for the future, or a future that doesn’t exist with an anchor that weighs you down. So now comes a chance to shape a new past, a safer past that supports today’s hopes and dreams for the future. Often this conflicts with loved ones desires for the person to be who they were. That can never happen. There is no where to go back to.
Seems to me once the individual realizes that there is a lifetime of memories ahead of them and they have a second chance to shape their life, family relationships and values get challenged and feelings get hurt. We all rely to some degree on the folks around us to stay in character for our life to remain constant. Kind of a selfish sentiment when I think of it.
We say we want our loved ones to change and grow, but do we put boundaries on the sentiments we have for loved ones? Is it fair to put the burden of our comfort on the growth of loved ones? How can we best support those who have tragedies in their lives? Not just the rare occasion of memory loss( but death, divorce, war experiences. Life changing events are that, life changing. Acceptance is possibly more critical during these times, tempered with patience and space for growth to occur and new memories to form new hopes and dreams.
Thinking about these situation has me considering if the loss of a life really has to be physical or natural, maybe some folks experience more than one death in a lifetime. Second is that the reconstructing of a life can be made more difficult by trying to include loved ones unwilling to accept growth and change within their circle of family and friends.
I hope I’m strong enough to enjoy the growth and change that will occur in the lives of the folks I love, even if it does mean distance between us. Love is the one constant and it has no boundaries with time or space, true love anyway!!!