Monthly Archives: March 2015

Dust and Me

Each Time you step on my heart dust clouds at my feet. I stare at the particles of my life swirling in the sunlight with a blank stare. No thoughts or hopes to begin again, just dirt as a backdrop.
The whole world is outside of me and I stand still and alone within myself. It’s safe here amongst the memories and dirt. This must be how flowers get their beauty. They have no intention to bargain with, just the freedom of the breeze.

Inside my shell I’m the seed of contentment growing within, protected from the elements, protected from you. I see you staring at my self, but you can’t have me. I’ve germinated with all the shit you’ve put me through. Now I can sprout leaves and absorb the light of others.

Dust has no roots! I wave in the spring breeze as piece by particle the wind blows you further away till the tears finally wash away your remnants. I love the space I occupy now, it clean and free of debris, and you.

All those dead branches and leaves lie in the summer sun now, brittle and frail awaiting decay. I have no time for regret or remorse. They hung over my head for so long choking the light from my wavering thoughts. Now I’m above the fray absorbing the light of brighter days from a view where I see what you were.

I am me and no one else can claim the Beauty I possess or stand between me and the light. My insides tingle with possibility and another layer of me has covered up the old scars from darker days and winter storms. So maybe through the dust and debris I was always me after all!!!

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Terrain

The sound of my heart echoes over the hills one thick heartbeat at a time. Sweat stains my soul as my breath catches the breadth of heights. So here I stand on the ridge of another crest with only the remnants of the valley to give me hope.

I pause to let the beat of my pulse catch the winds of time. It’s here, closer to heaven, I feel the weight of earth. All I have are thoughts and a clear view of where I came from, where I am, and all the places I can go .
The valley is dark and cold. Everything is wet with decay, but it’s here where life lifts up mounds to mountains, a hard place to live. The sun plays hide and seek with branches of faith. Surrounded by shadows masquerading as shade I shiver at how cold I can be.

These are the depths of despair that keep me moving towards a plateau. A barren mountain top where the sun beats down so hard the valley seems a respite. A windswept mountain top where all I hear are my thoughts reverberating off my soul lifting my spirits past where I feel.

The sun becomes my mirror. It reflects my desire for peace and love to unite my hopes and fears into a faith that transcends the path I must travel. I’m blinded by the light at times, but always aware of the darkness within a stare, a balance of nature.

And because I move, I enjoy the reflective moments. Because I rest, the labor is refreshing. And because I love, pain cleanses my spirit to new heights. My journey is all that’s mine. My paths are trodden with my steps, heavy and light. My steps are purposefully taken towards a more peaceful me.

I scream at the thunder, cry raindrops, and think bolts of lightening. I am my own storm howling off the mountains atop ages of decay, but my feet are always planted firmly on the ground. It’s here my struggles are rooted.

White lies

It creeps along your conscious
Carrying memories and nightmares
Only another traveler can dream

Love is a blanket for cold moments
And lust becomes a distraction
From the desire to dream again

You see, love is the greatest
But not the strongest,
Desire is blind consumption

They say love conquers all,
Bullshit! Love conquers loneliness
While desire conquers weakness

Riding shotgun to desire is quiet
You don’t have a say as the miles go
And your definition of sanity fades

Your soul becomes a bargaining chip
Along with everything you have
And what you believe becomes lucid

So now you travel in a mask
Invisible to everyone who knew you
And you scream it’s me into the wind

It’s never enough, nothing is enough
you can’t fill an empty space
with white lies and false promises

When you’re gone I’ll love stronger
In search of the gem within the dark
That eluded me looking for you,

Because you lived in my dreams
Loved in my hopes
And we died in my fears.