I can still feel my heart still as you slid uncontrollably down flat rocks
Along cascading waters on a sister dare. The edge of fear and elation you rode on gave sisters confidence and mothers a heart attack.
I remember watching you ascend the “X-rock first with your helmet facing the horizon and spaghetti straps intertwined through your lead rope. You climbed through the fear and strength with a purpose; giving confidence to your sisters through smiles and laughter.
I remember watching you jump your horse over poles and barrels leaving the definition of freedom wisping in the air like a cloud of confidence.
Then showing your horse, who’s nerves waited on you to calm her feet. You twisted and pulled till it was time to jump and I watched your Momma and sisters stare in wonder at your bravery as you jumped in the air of freedom and ribbons.
Countless times I’ve seen you step out first fighting fear for your sisters and others. Wether it was on a softball field or ballet stage, in a shop in Mexico or a school at home. You always stepped up when others stepped back.
Now you’ve taken a big leap. You’re gonna start a whole new chapter in your life in a few short weeks. Again, you’re gonna be first and to listen to you, you’d think you were “an old pro”!
I always saw through your bravery. You were always brave for others fear. You stepped up to ease the anxious nature of others. From the time you got your “Leadership Medal” in Kindergarden you were destined to lookout for others, and look at your career, you’re doing what is in your heart.
I know in those silent moments you have your own doubts and fears. I also l know that you’ll find a way to overcome those anxious moments with grace. You’ll probably spend those last moments reassuring others and wondering “what the hell have I got into now”!! Don’t worry, I promise you you’ll do good and Cooper will capture your heart and make all the questions dissipate like the sun on the mist over a pond as it rises.
I’m excited for you and I love you. I hope you remember to breathe and look around at all the folks that love you and David. All the folks that will share the endless moments of pride and joy Cooper is gonna bring to everyone. This is a first for you.
I say that it’s a first for you, not because you’ve never done this before, but because you are about to redefine love in a way you can’t imagine until Coopers here. That’s something for you to embrace at a level you’ll understand later, this first is for you and David, no one else.
I know you’ll prepare for that day. I’m sure you’ll be ready for every eventuality. You’ll prepare and share what you learnt about the latest techniques and toys. You’ll make plans that will fall apart and you’ll ask yourself, “What was I thinking!” It’s all good though because no matter how much you prepare you can’t prepare for life after your baby comes and that makes me smile.
Congrats on still being the first! I’m so excited for you, and a David, but especially you. Try your hardest to soak up the love around you throughout these next weeks. Try to let go of “what if” and enjoy the scenes around you. Those folks in the waiting room are part of the beauty.
You’ve been the first for me many times. This is a probably my last letter to the you who has brought me so much love and joy through years of joy and pain. I love you and can’t wait to watch you grow once again into the Momma you’ll become from the girl I adored.