Monthly Archives: May 2018

Human

Captured by time and the expectations it leave me defiant. So I crush my clock into pieces I can’t count and turn my back on praise and scorn. Now I know nothing.

Crossroads and crosshairs converge and a lucid moment finds me standing in the midst. The moment where I walk out of the mirage no longer breathing lucid air to fuel your illusions. No longer scorched by your secrets.

I stagger and walk for miles and hours not remembering where I’m going or whence I escaped. I care only of the sound of muffled footsteps dragging my solitude aimlessly across asphalt and dust. Little plumes burst with each footfall keeping time with my breath, until both stop in silence.

Lying here looking up into the sun I see a glimmer of hope in the black spots that dot my mind with despair. Then I hear the silence and suddenly time and space have melted into here and now, and I realize true freedom is one breath and the only space that matters is within me.

Forever no longer matters. Here is a moment and a breath away from there. I’m finally me, here, and now. My own heaven dead to the world, but alive to my self and all it’s glory, human.

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Expectations

Expectations are dangerous in many ways. Depending on folks takes trust. Believing in yourself raises doubts. Some times we work hard and it doesn’t pay off.

The most dangerous expectation is that everyone loves you. It’s this all or nothing thing wrapped in co dependence and Facebook cliches. It’s like folks don’t understand social media is virtual, not actual for most folks.

It’s ok if folks just “like” you. That’s probably closer to normal. It’s also closer to normal that someone may like you, but not like some things you do, that’s normal too. Like say for instance, someone may not like the way you need to be loved by anyone you come into contact with, especially virtual contact like social media, but like the way you hope for the best.

I think expectations about others based on anything but human contact is the beginning of a dysfunctional relationship. You don’t have to look much further than the show “Catfish” to see the extreme example. It’s like you can predict the level of dysfunction by correlating the time between contact on social media and actual contact.

If you’ve had a relationship “on line” for more than a couple weeks and have not touched the person you’re communicating with physically there’s certainly something “Fishy”! One of you is hiding something. If the “relationship” has morphed to months or years it’s about as real as your infatuation with a TV star.

These are of course extreme examples. Normal folks don’t have these detached virtual relationships and believe they’re real. It doesn’t mean they can’t work in the real physical world. Maybe two folks finally meet, have some drinks, and laugh off the lies disguised as exaggerations and move foreword with their real selfs. Highly unlikely, but possible if you have no expectations.

My point is that even our closest friends who may “love” some things about us, may not like things about us, this is normal. It’s cool to be liked. The need to be “loved” is usually a delusion tied to something you do or have. It’s good enough to be a “good guy, or girl”.

The meaning of love is under attack. The onset of social media has deluded its meaning and contributed to dysfunctional virtual and real relationships. A little thought before you let those words or letters fly can go a long way towards being liked for who you are.

The expectations for loved ones are not temporary or attached to anything but the heart. So go forward and be a good person, that will yield more happiness and love than any word will produce.