Tag Archives: family

Family Myth

Family is an agreement that love is paramount, time is precious, and honesty transcends self.

Blood is not thicker than water, it’s made of water and flows freely together. Water is the essence of life that beats through our veins and fuels emotions to sweeter heights. Without water we have no pulse.

Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, commitment makes the heart beat towards the memory and hope of another, loyalty minus the exceptions.

Without water blood coagulates, it ceases to flow. A heart that beats dust leaves ashes to fall, and withered limbs reaching for a love without color.

So now I’ve learnt to create moments, behind memories and just beyond hope I feel with my heart as my hands lay silent, ever looking for that moment words pulse with color.

My heart beats in all directions like a starburst reaching out to darkness, or disappearing into the light. No matter though; I can always close my eyes or look at the sun in memory of us, because family beats in our heart and rests in our mind.

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Parenting is Offensive

A few days ago I commented on a friends post about fatherhood. I am still getting noticed about folks commenting on his post. So yesterday I get a call from someone who’s wondering how to explain to their parents that they will not be continuing the traditions that brought them into the world. My simple answer was; Nothing offends folks more than your parenting style!.

I remember having a few “pet peeves” that made folks uncomfortable when raising my oldest three daughters. I always told them, “I’m not raising someone’s wife!” They participated in dance, but I chose classical ballet. They had uniforms and dresses, but didn’t wear jeans. They ate what I cooked and were never made to “clean their plate”! I heard all kinds of advice about how that was wrong and because of my military background I was too strict. I was amazed that folks thought my parenting techniques were a statement about their parenting choices.

I didn’t really care what others were doing. I was, and am, paying attention to each child and ensuring I do as little as possible to define who they become. I trust that we are inherently good and that they will respond in kind. I recently told someone that I know exactly what I want my oldest boy to be when he grows up from his current age of 9. He’ll be happy, that’s it.

It doesn’t take long after a child is born before friends and family begin to “put in their 2 cents” about what your child should be doing. He or she turns 1 and they should be walking. 2 Years old comes around and solid foods and no bottle. Potty chairs at 30 months, listening and responding perfectly, and A,B,C’s. It’s crazy. It’s like “terrible two’s” are a parental problem, not the child’s. Everyone wants to control your child for you and advise you how to do it. It doesn’t matter that you’ve raised 6 kids and they’ve raised one, there’s is older and special so their gonna enlighten you.

If your having your first child and looking for advice, don’t. Go with your instincts. Follow development charts and look for good examples. Have a prepared response for those folks that want to interfere in the child rearing of your child. I like the statement for overbearing parents: “My parenting choices are not a statement of how you chose to raise your child. You raised me the best you knew how and I love myself, and I’m sure my child will do the same.”

Our children are ours. They won’t grow up to be what anybody thinks except themselves. They ain’t gonna be babysat by a TV with inappropriate television. They’re not going to have relationships in elementary or middle school. They’re not gonna run around worrying more about what they look like than how they act. And they will not run around with phones as an extension of their security blanket. Believe it or not these few rules will offend half your friends and family.

In the end your family is yours to protect and love. Traditions are wonderful if they don’t define the child. Culture is wonderful as long as it doesn’t oppress who your child wants to be. Family is important as long as there isn’t some vicarious nightmare that stifles who your child will become.

Just remember everyone has an opinion and the intensity is off the chart when it comes to parenting. Have an empathetic response prepared so as not to create too much friction. Most importantly though, make a statement. Those are your children, and while the sentiment behind your advice is appreciated, I’m the parent and I will do what I think is best based on what is best for my child, and there are no negotiations.

Home Parenting

“Just get the milk from your sister, it’s 500 degrees out here and you’re letting the air out!” “Give me the lotion. You can’t do it, you’re wasting it!” No, I’ll pour the cereal, you’ll spill it.” Give me the paint, you’re making a mess!”

These, and many more memories echo in the minds of most parents. It’s so much easier to do so many things by yourself, but is that a sound long term tactic? Would we be better of, or more importantly, would our children be better off if we spread the pain and anxiety over 18 years?

With age comes patience, and patience wisdom. We’re so far past the stereotypical “first child parent” it’s almost difficulty talking to folks who are first child or only child parents without sounding callous or irresponsible. We probably sound and look as crazy to them as they appear naive to us.

We work with wood for a living. We do this partly so we can enjoy the wonderfully unbearable time we spend with our kids. We feel time is most important. It would certainly be easier to cart them off to daycare and go to a job for 8-12 hours and hopefully eat dinner together at a time that wouldn’t choke us in our sleep. However, we made the choice to be poor and together, for our situation it works.

I have three grown children from another marriage and we are raising three together. The two boys are 7 and 9, the youngest is 2 1/2. These are demanding and dynamic phases. The oldest compares his chest hair to his younger brothers. The younger brother decides wether or not every situation in the house is fair. The youngest thinks the kitchen and all of its contents are her playground. We can’t wait till there all a little more human.

The kids are around whenever we’re working. The boys have largely gotten bored with the excitement if power tools and constantly try to sneak outta the heat to watch some TV. The youngest though, she’s in her prime for tool time. Knives, saws, chisels and blocks seem amazing. So again, we safely go through the process of stopping what we’re doing every now and then to demonstrate, and supervise, our 2 1/2 year old sawing a block of wood.

On a recent trip to the grocery store in our 100 degree weather “little girl” decided she would put her sandals on because she wanted to walk into the grocery store where she could shop for us. She remembered the last time she got down from bring carried and the pavement was too hot. So we’re good now with grocery day. She remembers to bring her sandals she doesn’t want to wear because she can’t shop and has to ride in the cart when she doesn’t have shoes. This is pretty much the rubric for learning at this age.

Returning home everyone grabs as many bags as possible and takes them to the kitchen, which “little girl” has made an extension of her playroom. Standing at the steps to the door waiting on “Little Girl” to try and carry bread and milk up the three steps was amusing. Not to mention dangerous because we have lost a couple gallons in this process. All this made even more enjoyable by the unbearable heat.

What I know, and subsequently confirmed is; raising children isn’t easy. I could go to the grocery store by myself and hop outta the truck and be home in 25 minutes. I could go to work and only have to worry about the extra 30 minutes on either side it takes to drop the kids off and pick them up. I could cut and screw wood uninterrupted for hours at a time had we chose daycare. I could also send the kids inside to turn the TV on instead of enduring dropped groceries and 100 degree heat, but we experience many authentic moments being “home parents” that had we chose to work outside the house we would have missed.

We don’t “home school. We don’t feel it necessary. We send our kids to school for social reasons. We already knew their success in school was going to depend on us anyway. We drop them off and pick them off. Usually listening to their expectations in the morning and their successes or failures on the way home.

Being a “home parent” is very rewarding. We’re not wealthy and understand that has nothing to do with happiness or intelligence. We understand that it’s our choice and others make theirs for what they feel is good. What motivates us is we know each phase is the last and we’d better enjoy it while it’s here.

So for now we are hopefully allowing our kids to just be kids as long as they can and as fully as they can so when they’re adults that how they’ll feel. We don’t care what they become as much as that they become happy with who they are.

The freedom to explore and express theirselves now is important to us. We respect that not everyone agrees with this process. This is why we keep our 2 1/2 year old home mostly till she’s around 3, it’s safer for everyone involved.

We understand some folks seek academic success. Some chase actors curricular stardom. Some believe it takes a village. Some folks believe that insulating their child is the responsible thing to do. We respect other folks decisions, as we hope others do ours. We enjoy the difficult process of home parenting and including our children in our endeavors. It’s ugly for sure, but we all learn so much it’s impossible to see how limits are good if the actions are supervised, no matter how much harder it is than doing it ourselves.

Manda

It’s you, with fragile moments and beautiful sentiments that make my heart soften to the beat of life. The smile that weakens my resolve and melts my intensity to lust. I love to adore you in these moments.

Love falls short of what we are, life above all is what makes us. Our pulse undulates through time like the Northern lights through crisp skies and my breath whispers across your body in beautiful wisps of every hue.

I inhale your beauty waiting to exhale the us that each pulse swirls and rises in a mist of emotion. Colors fade and shimmer within each beat of our heart thundering across the landscape of love and lust intertwined in one bolt of lightening.

We’re elemental within a universe of passionate particles dancing on air. Nothing else exists when we breathe as one spirit sharing the beauty of two souls united in time and space. Nothing matters, not even living is conscious within our embrace, we just fade into the future riding on moments and memories of now.

Now we’re eternal, not constricted by time or space. Tomorrow and yesterday are one moment to bind us as one. Within every moment is an eternity that is exponentially expressed every time our lips touch. This is how we became us.

Blood is “not” thicker than water!

A couple months ago my “old lady” and I were at the grocery store listening to the music before we went in and noticed a young lady run into the store and leave her kids in her car.
It wasn’t too hot out and she left the car running. We decided to sit there and watch the car till she came back. We didn’t put any thought into why she would do that till she came out with a prescription bag, rushing in the same manner as she went in.

It never crossed our mind to call the police or child services. To us that would have been judging her; the kids were safe and she didn’t have anyone with her to watch them. Life is busy sometimes and the least we could do was help out. She never knew!!!
This brings me to family. Hold on, ill catch you up in a second. I’ve heard of folks gettin in family business and bringing the “authorities” with them. I don’t know about you, but my “Old Lady” and I are the only authority in our family. Everyone else is a guest. How they act determines whether they’re welcome or not; the door is always open either way.

This had me thinking about the myth “blood is thicker than water!”. I understand that kids move on, brothers and sisters get married, and we leave our parents as we become adults. The one person we will always have is our spouse. This is the person we share the most intimate parts of our lives with. The person we trust and rely on more than anyone else in the end. Our spouse is not blood.

I ain’t gonna do or say anything sideways about family cause there is a special bond between family, including in-laws. In the end though, me and my “Old Lady” stand together with or against everyone.

There’s a saying, “Your either with me or against me.”. We don’t live like that, our circle is small and inviting, but you should know you place before you attempt to enter.

If your egocentric nature prevents you from internalizing this you should return to your younger years and revisit what you hopefully just missed. We ain’t ugly, but we’re together and our little family is open to blood and water, and it seems to us they both run hot and cold. We won’t sweat you or freeze you out, but we’ll keep our house warm.

We’re all just folks trying to live our dreams. Some it’s about people, some possessions, others money and power. They’re our dreams and should be respected for what they are.

This brings me back to the lady in the car who left her kids. She has dreams. I haven’t a clue as to her life, but assumed the best for her. I don’t even know who the prescription was for; was it pain pills, or was medicine for one of the children. Was she a single mom rushing after school or a addict trying to get next months peace. I could go on but I won’t. The only thing between us was air, no blood or water. I knew my place as a person in the human family and it wasn’t to breathe my illusions into another persons life.

I ain’t real big on the social media rant, so ill leave it at that. I love Ya’all and hope you’ve found a peace that keeps you out of other folks business. I hope you have a person in your life to live and love with, so you don’t have to run around meddling in other folks. I hope you’ve made sense of your past and are hopeful enough about the future you don’t mess around with other folks dreams. I sincerely hope you come to understand that just because you’re part of the human family, doesn’t mean you get involved with everyone’s affairs. Do unto others,etc…..!!!

And

I was loved.

My home is a mansion of joy
Where laughter rings true
And love permeates the air

Open windows and hearts
Are a backdrop for curtains
And kids flapping in a summer breeze

Screen doors filter the suns heat
As the wind carries crisp air
And voices between two worlds

Wooden rockers sing a steady song
Of tranquil days between inside
And outside dancing in the yard

Out back is a private view
From attic louvers bathed in sun
And shade sparkling in a myst

Paint fades long before memories
While dust covers my thoughts
And I realize I was loved

Voices fade to echoes whispering
The past forward like waves
And my youth beats like my heart

I am my memories filled with love
My thoughts have cloudy days
And sunshine dancing in turn

In the end who I am or what I was
Is measured by the memories
And love I leave behind

For its not what I know but
What I remember that’s important
And these are the treasures of life

The Harrison Narcotics Tax act (1914)

The Harrison Narcotics Act (1914) was enacted to ensure the government got their cut in the addiction game. Usage of heroin or cocaine was not illegal, but selling it without paying the taxes was akin to bootlegging.

Here is where the seeds of addiction were being sewn bureaucratically. This hustler Francis Harrison from New York used his power as a Representative to narrow the control of “dope” and industrialize addiction.

This was before the “anti biotic” time so pills didn’t cure they treated symptoms. Since everything from syphilis to bronchitis had pain or discomfort as a symptom, cocaine or heroin were commonly prescribed creating addicts.

I recently saw several intake forms from an addiction clinic in Louisiana from the early 1900’s. The form asked when the addicts first started taking the drugs. All the answers I saw were from medical problems; so when the problem went away the prescription stopped. No such thing as detox, just a cold start to street drugs.

One other note about these forms was that woman were over represented in rehabilitation clinics at this time. There are numerous factors that could be the reason, woman generally go to the doctor more than man at this time, childbirth required 5 to 7 days hospitalized in that time, not to mention men were largely occupied with bootlegging around this time.

I am really interested in the addiction epidemic. The hypocrisy and corporate greed astound me , as does the malpractice of doctors prescribing medicine and the complacency of the pharmacist filling the script. Every family has been touched by this epidemic and the drama surrounding an addicts life keeps the veil of responsibility down tight over the faces of the guilty.

When I used to talk about this issue I would mention the “Rolling Stones” song about “Momma’s Little Helpers” back in the 60’s as evidence this ain’t no new problem. After studying further I see that we missed celebrating the hundred year anniversary of addiction in the U.S. by a few decades probably.

It seems that all along woman have been targeted and relentlessly pursued by the medical and pharmaceutical industry for as long as they’ve both existed.

We have to find a way to stop blue collar crime sooner, and that’s what this is. We can’t keep hearing whispers and echoes of addiction and focus on the addict. Logic follows that doctors, secretaries, pharmacists, techs, insurance representatives, government officials etc… have caused more addiction, crime, and death than any street dealer could hope to.

The difference between the street dealer and the other jokers is one has a license and pays taxes, the other keeps all his money. The difference between the street addict and the poseur addict is similar. The poseur addict looks down on the street addict cause they have insurance and a licensed dealer, the street addict doesn’t care where it comes from as long as they get high.

So with medical folks looking down on street dealers and poseur addicts looking down on street addicts no one pays attention to the real problem, all of them are pawns in the addiction game! Use as much caution going to the doctors office as the street addict does going to the trap cause the only difference is the furnishings in many cases.